Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
