it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
