There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
