Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize