Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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