Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I wish there were birth control emojis
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
