your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
