so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
