I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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