So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
