So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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