Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
