yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
