nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
