You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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