I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
