I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
