I don't usually arrange sex via text message
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
