u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
