Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
