cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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