She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
