if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
