she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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