Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
