i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Randomize
