when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
