Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Randomize
