I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
