I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
