yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
