Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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