who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
