if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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