I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
