My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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