cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
a search helicopter?!
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
