Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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