Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
