Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
