awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Randomize
