she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
