So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
