I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
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We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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