I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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