I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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