did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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