How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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