my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
