Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
