Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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