I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
