ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
