Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
