i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
