it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
