I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober