Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx