new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
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She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
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Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body