...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out