yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize