please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
