New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
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Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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