guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Barsexuality is the new black.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
