When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
