im drinking this country out of the recession.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
