You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
