meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
