so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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