Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I still have a little drunk in my system
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
