this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
