I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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