He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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