oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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