Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Randomize
