Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I want to be your penis for a week.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
