There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
