At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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