god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
