also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
